On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
