i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
