I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
