My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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