You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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