It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
