Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
