I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize