I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
