I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
