I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
