when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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