I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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