dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
