You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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