I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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