Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
