btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
