walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it because I queefed?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All the doctor said was why
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
