Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize