oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
