whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just cropdusted the office
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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