I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
