I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize