Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
