so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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