i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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