its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
