nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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