i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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