I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
