one might say we're banned from that church
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
