Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize