Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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