Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
