I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
