Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
