Got a toothbrush?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
