Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
