i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
