Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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