i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
