i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
