I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
