I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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