Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize