my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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