I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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