Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
