ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
