We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
