so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
