it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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