Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
