I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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