She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
