we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
