His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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