mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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