physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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