This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
