when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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