Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
