So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
