Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
