Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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