Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dicks are not precious.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
