The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
