I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
